The state of my emotions after the last month in the dorms had left me unstable and unhappy. I had worried my friends so much that they had gotten annoyed with me and were frustrated with my constant emo episodes. The one I had hurt the most was Ailea. She had to endure the bulk of my drama and it hurt so much to see her and everyone else look at me as a man with problems that didn't want to change. I wanted to make sure that I didn't do anything wrong in general, but I took it too far and I ended up turning emo after every mistake I did, minor or severe.

I knew it would take me a long while to bounce back from my situation, but my emotions had caused more damage than I thought. People were talking to me about how I can better myself, but I apparently didn't take their words to heart and I was still being beating myself up over little things. Now, I say that I have had enough of being who I was for the past 2 months and it is time to make a change. There is no excuse for my behavior and I admit that my will power to stopping myself from being unstable wasn't at its fullest. I'm slow, but I end up learning eventually. One can't expect a progressive change from me, especially something that hit me hard.

Why I suddenly now have to will power to change? I don't know, but what I do know is that now I have this will, its time to turn things around. Mistakes happen everyday, so I must know not to take a mistake up the ass and cause a scene. Apparently meditating seems to somewhat work. Breathing without thinking about other things calms me down significantly. There is a lot of work to be done to restore this rock star to what he was before and well as other problems before, but I tell you this, changes will be made.

I am currently in the 3rd week of the spring semester and it is a little bit more lenient than last semester. The 80-150 page reading assignments have now toned down to 40 pages or lower and well, thats the only thing different about this semester. I'm still balancing out my classes and work along with making time for doing homework after homework. Despite that, dorm life has been good as always. Chris is still his jolly ol' self and with Michel in the International House, I'm able to meet foreign students which has been really cool. The dining hall food by now has become mediocre and I've been going out with fellow dormmates to see what else is there to eat outside campus.

Well, its late and I need sleep or else I'll continuously stagger around throughout the whole day and trust me, its not a pretty sight. So, night night!

....doesn't seem much of a big deal because its not a milestone other than living for another year, which is always a good thing. But hey, it gives us all a darn good reason to hang out with friends even more.

So far in this nice little fall semester, its just been classes and work. Dorm life has been nothing but good. I get along with my roommate and suitemates and the environment is very comforting. The food is just school food from high school thats just a little bit better. Hooray for non-rubber tasting food! And of course, I drive back home every weekend to see Ailea and the rest of the awesome people that are back in the 626, not to mention my family, who I've been missing a lot of recently. Its that family bond I tell you, and its one of a kind.

*there are apparently those who want me to get to last weekend. so, here you go guys!*

Honestly, when my parents first wanted to have a birthday party, I didn't want it because it I thought it was the same stuff like every year before. So after a few days, I started warming up to the idea of having in after all. Anyways...

Ailea, Michael, Joseph, Remy, Connie, Jeffers, and Amy came to my party and they were really excited about what they had in store for me, a big box with the title THE ORANGE. When we were done eating and butchering stuff on TV, we sang happy birthday . Amy got me Metallica's newest album, Death Magnetic. Thanks again, Amy! Now, time for....THE ORANGE....

As soon as I opened the box, it was just filled with Korean newspapers and magazine pages. So I just started to dig through the big pile until all I found in the box was a rock with a drawing of Naked Snake on it(plus a "property P.C.C." notice on the back). So, they then brought out a poster of a bucket that read Kevin's 22nd bucket of tears. They also brought a gift wrapped package out and this was where the thinggs got more out of hand...

The gifts were trick wrapped....in newspaper and duct tape! There were 3 of them in the package, so they told me to start from biggest to smallest. Each one took so much pulling and tearing that my hands were black from the newspaper. So, the biggest gift turned out to be a...PS3....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I yelled my head off when a got to the PS3 box. The second gift was a strategy guide for Metal Gear Solid 4. So....the last gift was of course, Metal Gear Solid 4 the game itself. But it was the limited edition, which was so awesome. Afterwards, I gave my new PS3 a test drive and I bidded everyone a good night.

Having this party was a great thing after all. So to you guys, thank you for giving me the greatest birthday present EVER. Besides Ailea and Michael, I've known you guys for a year and...I can't believe you guys got me something so expensive. I can never say thank you enough to you guys. I am forever grateful to all of you. We'll be friends for a VERY long time. And well...here it goes...I love you guys. I am forever in your debt... I don't know do I deserve such good friends, but its happening right now.

So, for the 30th+ time and many more in the future, THANK YOU!!

Walking through Cal State Long Beach after a few months was a little exciting actually. My first class, Intro to Data Analysis, was a tad bit intimidating, but the professor reassured everyone that it would be alright. I then went to the library and I had to do paper work to continue working at the special collections deparment. I hope I get to start working tomorrow. After that, I went to my second class, Sociological Theory. Tons of reading, thats all I'm going to say about that class.

Moving in on Saturday went pretty good. I packed up my stuff the night before and invited Ailea to join me on that day. Because my financial aid money arrived on the day before, I had to buy stuff for my dorm at Wal Mart and we were off to my new dorm. The size of my room is just right and the bed was nice and comfortable. My roommate Chris is a cool guy. We apparently have common interests such as wrestling, fighting games, and  taste in movies. This dorming will go just fine. We then met up with Michel and Jason later on to go to Knotts Berry Farm. It was hot as hell, but we still managed to have a great time.

On Sunday, I was determined to get myself a good laptop. Michel and I headed to a Best Buy nearby and I found a good deal for one. A Dell Studio with a 2.1 GHz Core 2 Duo, 4 GB of RAM, and a 320 GB hard drive for $899. Although they only had it in red, I can tell it apart mine from everyone else's black ones if it ever gets mixed up. We then drove to several different stores to find Michel bed sheets and other dorm nessecities. We decided to finish off the day watching The Dark Knight since Michel hadn't seen it yet. For me, it was better the second time around.

I just relaxed in my dorm on Monday and here I am today on a well spent first day of classes. Can't wait for the next 2 classes tomorrow.

See ya!

Whenever I make friends, I hang out with them on a regular basis. Once in a week or two would be just fine. But umm.....once in 1-2 months?

I can see now why I didn't like big groups of friends in high school. You only know someone's name in the group and thats it.

For me, having less than 5 separate close friends was just perfect. You know everything about that person and you're guaranteed frequent great hang outs.(that is until you introduce other people to your friend and a big case of drama occurs)

I don't know, maybe I just depend too much on other people.

Anyways, I have a stats final tomorrow. Let's get this over with and enjoy the rest of my summer, which is like the last 2 weeks of August.


I hope that my next post will be a lot more happy and less bitter.

Bye Bye.....

I can't promise an ongoing string of posts unlike my other great friends who are consistent with theirs. Its been nearly 11 months since my last post and you might just get another post a year from now. Oh well, its 15 minutes past midnight and I can't sleep. So, here's a post from your favorite rock star!

What's there to say really? My academic life is decent enough and I'm proudly hanging in there. I've been with a spectacular girl for over a year now and I couldn't be any happier. My friends have dealt with my habitual idiocy and I'm still having great times with them. And umm....what else is there...? Oh, and I won an Xbox 360 in a raffle and then sold it for Transformers toys. Yep, just showing how much I'm opposed to the Xbox and the great plague that is Halo. Note that I didn't use the word "hate" in there, which shows that I can tolerate the two up to an extent.

Finally going on a road trip with just friends was an amazing experience. It was good to be on a trip with no true idiots and no fuckheads, just 4 of the greatest people one can ever meet in a lifetime. Honestly, we went though a lot of feelings and emotions in this trip. Frustration, anger, pain(mental and physical), excitement, silliness, and of course, happiness were just some of the few things we experienced. I can't believe we went through so many frowns and smiles in this trip. Nonetheless, a very good outing.

Me being 21 hasn't been really eventful until I went to Las Vegas this weekend with the usual crowd around this time. Of course, I had to hit the casinos and even though I just stuck to the slot machines and lost 8$, I won $30 total along with 3 white 7s in a row. Not bad for a first time gambler eh?

Now, I'm heading to the Anime Expo in a few days. This is my first time to an AX, so I'm kind of pumped up that I'm going. Throughout my days there, I'll be sneaking around as Naked Snake (yea, you wish i was like the image in your head) and being an arrogant but fiery KOF combantant, Kyo Kusanagi. It should be an interesting experience.

Oh boy, that was quite an entry. This is what I get for not doing a constant post. Oh well..... See you whenever I guess.

After almost 4 months of not posting an entry, I just all of a sudden, felt like posting. In the time between my last LJ entry and now, a few events have past that I should of typed up about on here. Oh well, now you guys are getting it in one single entry. Lucky for you eh?

Nothing big happened in April other than I got the whole house to myself for spring break(family went to Vegas). Honestly, I just hung out like usual, thats it. I'm not crazy enough to throw a party. Besides, that would most likely mean I would have to drink(straight edge guy here). So, I hung with Ailea and Phratcha and we went to Little Tokyo and did the usual. Well, my usual. Looked around shops, ate japanese food(duh), and played at the arcade. After that, we hung out at my house for a while and then went to eat at The Spaghetti Factory down at Hollywood.
What else did I do in April? Hmm.... Oh, and towards the end of April, Ailea invited me to go to a J Rock concert in Hollywood, or at the edge of Hollywood, and saw Metal Phyzix and Lolita. They were pretty good. It brings back the metal head in me a little. Other than all that in April, it was college and usual hanging out. Oh, and three birthdays. How could I forget that?

May is where things start to pick up a little. You know that girl Ailea I've been mentioning up there? Well, I asked her out, as in dating asking out. We went out a few times(don't kill me babe, i forgot how times we went out before we got together) and she seemed to enjoy my company, as I enjoyed hers. After about 3 weeks of dating, we became an official couple and we shocked many of our friends. I have to say, I couldn't have been happier that I'm actually with someone and it was with someone I liked a lot. That made me near 100% complete. I hope it made her feel like that too.
Other than the dreaded finals week, I saw Spider Man 3....3 times(once on IMAX), Shrek 3 once and Pirates 3 once. Yep, there went about $50 in movies, and I enjoyed myself a lot.

June was my big break for resting because well, I graduated from ELAC after 3 years there and I'm bound for Cal State Long Beach. I'm so glad I don't have to worry about college for the summer and I get to enjoy it. The first few weeks of June were relaxing and calming. Then on the last week, it was my friend Jason's 22nd birthday and he invited me to go to Vegas and celebrate. Even though I got kicked out of some casinos(i actually thought it was funny really), I still had a lot of fun there with Jason, his family, Michel, and Haley.

And here we are at last in July. Where Transformers, Ratatouille, and The Order Of The Phoenix ruled the box office and me and my darlin are at our 2nd month of being together and going strong at it. The month hasn't ended yet, so expect that in my next entry.

(gasps)! Another consecutive entry? No more begin fatigued of typing up entires? Ha, its not like anyone reads my stuff anyways. Right?

At first, I thought turning 20 years old would be great. When someone reaches their 20s, they think they're a full adult. But being still at 20 years old really isn't great. The limitations of being 20 really takes its toll after a while. You can't do many things just because you're a year shy away.

Because I have many friends who are 21 and over, I can't hang out with them in those places that have such tight restrictions about being under 21. I'm not even drinking or gambling and I still get kicked out. Oh yes, so much for my privileges of being 20.

Apparently, it also matters when you're trying to get with someone older than you. I guess it makes sense that they can get into places that you can't get into and it can get irritating. But I don't know. It really sucks.

It was fun being 19 because I was living out my last teen year and I didn't have a care in the world. But being 20, which right in the middle, hasn't been too exciting so far.

Well, I got 7 months to wait until I turn 21. I know for sure things will be a bit better later on. But for now, I'll just try to enjoy whatever I can in my 20th year of life.

Does being 20 make that much of a big difference?

I tend to always not get things on the first try and I usually mess up that bad.

Most of the time, I get things perfectly on the next attempt and its a very good feeling. But, when it involves things that are personal and intimate, there is always something new every single time and I'm always facing new circumstances, meaning my first try.

I'll be honest, I'm not the perfect suave guy that can sweep a girl off their feet and I often get confused on the next step to getting with someone. But I always try and try again after every failed attempt. Its just that how long can I keep trying until one day I end up destroying myself from the inside? I fear that one day I will give up and be alone, but it is because of that fear that I am ever so persistent to never giving up until I fulfill that very thing that I am missing in my happy little life.

I'll never know where I might find someone. It could be someone many miles away from me. Or maybe someone that is out my age range. Ha, it  happened to father when he married someone older than him and the're still together. It is that little element called surprise that gets us all from behind. It could be great or horrible, showing how strong surprises can be.

So, I shall continue my little search and I will never rest until I know how it feels to be in an intimate relationship. I will fail many times along this road, but I know that I will find something that will be worth fighting for: eternal happiness.

Where do I start? I took me from when I was born until I was 16 years old to know how to become a very great friend. The most simplest things are hard for me and I accept my faults with pride. It just shows great patience in a person that take in their flaws and deals with them. I was trying very hard to fit in with many people in grade school, but I was too annoying and irritable around people and I ended up being a big loner. But during the summer of 2002, I finally understood the phrase, "Be yourself." Once I had figured out what people had been saying to me ever since I could speak, making friends become so easy. Today, I have many close friends and many more people that I get along with very well.

The reason why I bring this topic up is because when things get a bit personal between me and a friend, it always ends up in tragedy.

Last year, I was friends with an OK guy and we were in a group with two other friends. Unfortunately, I fell for one of them and I wanted to make something happen. But as I got closer, things started to spin out of control and I was greatly hurt inside. It led to manipulation, deception, and mistrust which led to breaking close bonds with people and destroying friendships. I thought I had learned my lesson, but I didn't learn from everything.

Now at this time, I have once again fallen head over heels for another friend. At first, I was considering cutting off complete contact with her so no one would get hurt, especially me due to past experiences. But then, I had the strangest change of heart and I started to remember how much she had done for me in our short 9 months of friendship and I how much I had done for her. My thoughts quickly overpowered my depressive feelings and I came to realize that such a good friendship shouldn't be thrown away so drastically. I rather have her as a friend than someone that I regret meeting. Can't let unrequited love get between good friends now can we?

Well, I won't know for sure if my emotions get the better of me the next time I see her. After all, these are no more but processed words that anyone can type up. Well, almost anyone.

Let's face it. We all hold grudges about something that has infuriated us. If a high school student has a grudge, that can be a bit difficult to resolve because well, the're still kids(trust me, I know from experience) and most likely fists will start flying. Now, if two people have a grudge and the're 18 years old and over, they come to an understanding where words are the only thing they need and in most situations, the problem is resolved.

I'm not claiming to be an expert about this stuff, but I will say stuff coming from my own experiences. Before when I held so many grudges in high school, there was always so much hatred between me and whoever I was involved with and a fight always occured. Because of that, I changed for the better and I don't get easily pissed and hung up about things anymore. Of course, it'll take something so cruel and heartless to make me pissed and hung up and believe me, you don't want to see me that way. Well, it happened recently and I held a heavy grudge against that specific person for maybe 6-7 months.

Fast forward 6-7 months later. Things around me have calmed down and have become more peaceful than before. So, I decided to forgive that specific person for the things he did to me and things ended alright. Afterwards, I felt weird but better because I knew it was the right thing to do. No matter what anyone says, forgiveness shows the true attribute of a man and that's what I expreesed today.

Finally, a good positive entry. See? I am capable of such a feat.




ARE YOU CAPABLE OF EXPRESSING FORGIVENESS OR ARE YOU TOO STUBBORN TO SWALLOW YOUR OWN PRIDE?

Yea so, I almost lost my internet and my ipod connection today, but thanks to me being a comeputer junkie, I got everything back. Yea, everyone tells me that I should be a computer major, but it involves some degree of high math and I don't exactly love math. So, I'll pass. Thanks for the suggestion by the way.

You know what really bugs me? People trying to get some kind of emotion out of me by telling me someone is shit talking behind me back. If I hadn't been the social free talking kind of person that I am today, I probably would of given in and gotten pissed about it. But I noticed something about people. There isn't one person in the world who hasn't shit talked behind anyone's back. It like our nature to talk about someone who isn't there and gossip about them, even bash at them. Young people, old people, all kinds of people. We all have shit talked about someone behind their back. So, its practically pathetic and useless to get me on "your side" by telling me that someone talked shit behind me back. Probably even the person who told me about it has shit talked about me on numerous occaisions. So, save your breath.

Now, if its someTHING that happened behind someone's back, well thats a different story. As the frequently repeated line goes, "Actions speak louder than words."

So, it was nice that I was able to express myself today and I hope that you learned something today. Or maybe you might be too stubborn to listen. Take it or leave it. Whatever rules in your world.

SEE YA!


-TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS-

So, what's been up around here? Nothing much here, besides the fact that I turned 20 this weekend. Yea, I'm so old now. But without the word "teen" in my age, I do feel a bit mature now. I just hope I don't get overconfident and cocky like other people.......

Yea, not much of a update. Just classes and friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

SEE YA!!



-STOP LYING TO ME-

Most of my entries on here are me just bitching and moaning abouy my problems. Odd I guess, but I think anyone that isn't emotianlly stable will try to find as many places as possible to vent out their feelings and emotions. Like say, on my livejournal, there's like only one or two entires that are positive and about me in a good mood. Yea, I'm weird.....but aren't we all in some manner or another(come on, admit it.)

Right now, people who've read my livejournal so far(which isn't a big number of people) will most likely think that I have another emotional problem and I'm going to be whining and cursing for no reason because that's when I'll spend time on here and bitch about my problems.

Actually, I'm just doing fine. No emotion problems and no issues with anyone for like 6 months already. I just got done with my summer class finals today and I'm looking forward to how I'm going to spend my two weeks before fall classes start. So, if you think that I'm always an emotional wreck and weak minded, then you must not fully know who I am. In my normal state, I'm not easy to manipulate and I'm not as short fused than I usually am. I'm very lenient about things and I don't worry too much about stuff.

Since the subject of issues and problems is at hand, I'd like to offer my ways to solving a problem/issue:

1)You must first admit that you have a problem(which is ridiculously hard for a lot of people)

2)You must be serious about dealing with it and think of logical ways to sort everything out(or you can fool around and let the problem mess with your life even more)

3)Solve the problem as harmless as possible

This works for me most of the time, but not when I'm in a grudge against people that relentlessly deny having a problem, which is pure B.S. When in a grudge, EVERYONE in that grudge has a clear problem or issue. It just depends if those people have the balls to admit to having a problem. Otherwise, problems that people keep inside with slowly consume the person and will cause more pain and confusion. Trust me, I know from experience and its something that you don't want.

Yep, just giving out some advice for people who are frustrated with problems and issues and actully wanting to do something to resolve it. Take it or leave it, your choice.


Alright, you people who come here by accident or people who actually wanna come here, thanks for checking out my livejournal. I'll be sure to post a few positive entries once in a while, and if I end up in an emotional wreck again, well I think you'll know with the frequent entires with the cursing and whining.

Take care guys! SEE YA!

Well, it's now time for everybody's favorite time of year:

FINAL'S WEEK!!!!!.......

yea, I'm not too thrilled myself either.

Ok, here's the line up for my finals: Health is gonna be a breeze. Sociology is going to take some hard studying to get A or B. Biology I think I can handle very well. English is gonna be a bitch to get through, but I shall not falter in the process of being as literal as I can.

I swear readers(or READER because only one person, you, is reading this and I thank you), english hasn't been kind to me this semester. My original professor, Bezdicek(fuckhead...), wasn't a very good teacher and expected something out of me that he never explained thoroughly. The result of that was me getting a F in the class. It was obvious that I wasn't the only one who was failing because half of the class dropped and as for me, I wasn't gonna run away, not then not ever. I had faith that things were going to look up, and they did. The day after reasoning with Bezdicksucker about my grade(which that he suggested that I give up on my english major, fucker...), I was hoping that he never show up ever again. Later on that day, that very thing happened! He was suspended for teaching too many hours(yes!) and was replaced by a another teacher, Ms. Wright. She showed much promise and I ended up boosting my grade up to a low C. Now its time to take on this final and finish off English 102 once and for all.
So as of now: Up yours Bezdicek and props to you Wright!
(Sigh), Glad thats out of my system.

Well, after I'm done with all my finals, I can expect a good summer coming my way. Armed with a well earned amount of $200 and a V6 Camry, the possibilities are endless.

Wish me luck on those finals and I shall be back writing another nice entry for my loyal READER.

Bye.........

Well, right now I think I currently am.

Kat and I have talked things over and we're friends like before.

For a while I was gonna lose Michael as a friend. But everything turned out just alright.

So, I'm feeling pretty good at the moment.

Now I'm just waiting for spring break to come and I hope it will be one hell of a good time.

Seriously, I'm doing fine and well. For once, I got no internal conflicts, no drama, no head hanging moments, and no more tears....

Doing well in my classes so far, getting my license(hell yeah!), and having a significant other in my life did my unpredictable heart a very good service.

The only thing that makes my head hurt nowadays is that will I be able to have a close friendship with someone that made me feel like I was in Hell since late 2005 to the day I got with Michelle and gave me the worst time I've ever had in Disneyland. Hmm....weird that I still wanna be friends with someone like that. Maybe she treated me really good and Its worth keeping in my life. Gah...I don't know, I'm nuts.

Anyways..... what more can I say? Life is good to be now and I'm enjoying every bit of it. So, I guess I'll bid farewell to you one or two readers. SEE YA!


Will I be a close friend to you again, Kat?








You're still here? Its over. Go home. Go on.

Everything is in its place...



I still feel just a bit weird, but much of everything has been resolved.



But hey, all this happened because I'm just a jealous guy. and I never meant to hurt anyone.



At least I can smile now. Ha!

I woke up this morning feeling alright and my sister is watching TV. I ask her something and she replies, "I hate your gay ass smile and your big head." What the hell did that come from? Someone's got a case of PMS.

Ok, after that, I noticed that 3 bucks are missing in my wallet. I knew it was my bro, so I just yelled at him until he gave me back the money. Then, My mom gets mad at ME because I don't hide my money. I thought this day would be one fucked up day. At least I was able to catch the bus on time.

Class wasn't bad actually. No problems at all, until I got on the bus. I saw Jorge and I gave him a what's up. For some weird reason, the whole "jealously" episode started to fill my mind again. I was miserable in the whole bus ride with the fact that Kat hasn't called me on her own free will in like 3 months. Ok, she says we're friends, so why hasn't she called me at least once? She calls other people like a Mr. Faz and a Mr. Lee. Tell me so I can stop being a Jason in the group, What's really happening?

Alright, I come home and I start jamming on my bass. For some odd reason, I can't tune my G bass string. My bass hates me. My bro comes back at 12:30 and I've forgiven him for this morning. He then steals the same 3 bucks from me and I catch him red handed. I just gave a courtesy "brother" beating and told not to do it again.

I was then browsing through videos on ebaumsworld and I come across this video thats supposed to be a rip off of Sesame Street, but its a really fucked up version. Meaning that the kids are psychotic, the letters are humping each other, and cutting off a turkey's head is considered "very funny". Very weird....

After that, I was playing my Tekken 5 and its really scratched up. Its so bad, that it messes with the controller and it freezes the D-pad.

(sighs) Like I said, one fucked up day. Every person that I expect to care about me doesn't give a rat's ass if had a fucked up day. Ha, I bet no one would give a shit if I died now, not one tear would be shed. Oh well, I hope Smallville doesn't have some "technical problems" tonight or else I'm officially entering depression. Maybe a few will pass by this entry not giving a shit, but at least someone out there is enjoying my misery.

Whoever wanted to see me miserable, you got your wish. Now stop wishing that my life was the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno for fuck sake!